It Takes Time To Realize
by francesfides
Summary: "Sometimes the girl you might fall in love with may not realize how much she loves you. Still, you always have to be a big boy, look after her and never lose hope. Do you understand that, Anthony?" I would then nod my head. TIVA for NCIS Tuesday!


**It Takes Time to Realize.**

**A/N: It's NCIS Tuesday, and since we're on hiatus at the moment, I decided to come up with a little something. This one takes place during Pyramid. It deals with the whole P2P killer, EJ and Ziva thing. Yes! It's that tangled web that Tony has managed to get himself stuck in the middle of. **

**Oh, oh, oh! I got the idea for this fic while I was listening to Colbie Calliat's "Realize"**

**Disclaimed.**

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><p><strong>It Takes Time To Realize.<strong>

_**Tony's POV.**_

I watched her facial expressions as she walked up to the plasma, and realized that it was Ray's number listed on the car where we found EJ. _"That's Ray's cellphone number..." _I heard her say.

She took couple of deep breaths before giving the plasma one last look, as if wondering what the hell Ray was up to and how he was connected to this whole P2P case. Then, in an instant she was at her desk, punching in numbers on her phone, trying her best to contact Ray. I watch her dial at least 3 sets of numbers (which I assume belongs all to Ray) each time sighing quietly as she hanged up the phone, with no response.

"_He's not answering, Tony. I am worried"_ She finally said, monotonously, trying her best, not to seem as worried as she is implying. I looked up from my computer, and pretended like I hadn't been watching her all this time. I offered her a small smile, and assured her that Ray would be safe, and that we would find him. But still, she continued to wear a worried expression on her face, the kind she wears whenever she finds herself in a situation she can't control. I can't decide if I should feel concerned or be jealous. Come to think of it, I might be feeling both. Jealous, really? I don't even know if I should be allowed to feel that way. _"Screw yourself, DiNozzo." _I imagined Ray saying to me, in Kort's heavy English accent.

But I do have the right to feel jealous, right? After all, she is _MY_ partner.

Sigh. Can someone (preferably not Ziva) deliver a head slap to the back of my head, now?

I don't know what's the real score between Ziva and Mr. CI-Ray, and truthfully I'm afraid to ask. As much as I want to know, I really don't. Damn it, that sounded stupid, but the thing is, I don't know. The last time Ziva and I talked, she told me that she had broken up with Ray because he 'lied' to her. (I know, technically he wasn't lying, he was just withholding_ important_ information from her. I don't blame her, because you see, from where Ziva and I come from, withholding information IS a crime. So, roll with it.)

Somewhere deep in me, I know I was happy and relieved. Apart from Ziva's boyfriend being CIA, there was just something about CI-Ray / Renaissance Ray that I didn't like (maybe it's the sneaky blood that runs within the CIA blood). But then again, I never liked any of Ziva's boyfriends, potential boyfriends, or guys who hit on her. Partly because I never seem to have a good rep with them. Now that we're at it, there are only 5 men I would entrust Ziva to—3 are her co-workers (Ducky, Gibbs, McGee); 1 is a former marine (yes, Damon seemed to really care for her); and the last one...well he's _dead_ (Roy Sanders).

Yes, I'm sure you did take note that I didn't include myself on that list. One reason for that is because I don't trust myself with her. You've seen and heard about my track record, and while I can assure you and will swear under my entire DVD collection that I will give her everything that I've got, I just can't say the same for her. And that my friend, is the one thing that frustrates me the most about this relationship that we have. I have no idea what it is between Ziva and I. I have no clue what this thing is, this spark that never seem to die out (not that I want it to though). I don't know what I am to her. I don't know if there's something more to it than me being her partner. I don't know if she's just as caring and protective as she is with me with her previous partners. I don't know if she shares those looks with her other partners like she does with me. I don't know if they argue, fight, make up and look out for each other, the same way Ziva and I do. It frustrates me sometimes. Never in my life have I been entangled in such a weird web of unknowns. You might think that after all these years, I could have had all these figured out, but the truth is, I haven't.

However, despite all these uncertainties, I for once, know one thing that's crystal clear. Ziva to me, is someone special. And yes, I know you are aware that there aren't many special people in my life to begin with and I am willing to bet that the thought of that is already making your heart flutter, but please do take me seriously and know that what I just said is the absolute truth. I will do whatever it is that I can to make the 'special people' happy. And given Ziva's line of work, I'll do whatever it is in my power to keep her safe. I know that you might argue that it's part of my job to keep my partner safe, but in Ziva's case, it's different. I might have lost sleep for weeks after Kate's death, but I definitely lost my sense of living as soon as I found out Ziva was dead. What I said was true, "i couldn't live without you" . To me, she has become one of those people you just expect to see when you wake up and the thought of not being able to see her haunted me. It made me feel like something was missing, like a part of me was cut off from the rest of my body. It didn't feel right going about the daily activities without her. The simplest things like asking her if she wanted her double chocolate frappe before going to Starbucks, walking down to the nearest sandwich shop with her as she listens to me talk about the latest film I saw, going to the gym expecting her to be on the other side of the ring as we boxed, filing old cases and having her roll her eyes on me every time I miss out a signature (sometimes on accident but most of the times on purpose) from her report, cleaning our guns and having her to remind me the importance of doing so, walking down the parking lot with her at the end just to wait for her to say "See you tomorrow, Tony"...—without her, suddenly it felt very empty.

I watched as she massaged her temples. She wasn't saying anything but the look on her eyes speaks for itself. There are days where I totally love the fact that I am one of the few people who can read Ziva's eyes, but today isn't just one of them. The look of worry just seemed to ooze out from her eyes.

I know she was secretly blaming herself as one of the main reasons why she hadn't been able to contact Ray. I bet she was thinking that if she hadn't broken up with him, they would still be on speaking terms, and getting a hold of Ray would be easier. I decided to walk up to her before she started drowning herself in guilt. I placed both my hands on her desk, and gave her one of my sincerest smiles. She looked up,and returned me a small but somewhat reassuring smile before asking, _"How's EJ?"_

Ziva. Ziva. Ziva.

Fancy her worrying about others first when she herself is in an emotional turmoil. But now that she asked, I honestly don't know how EJ was doing. The last time I saw her, she was trying to kill herself with the way she was scrubbing the markings on her neck. It baffled me when I realized I haven't been checking on EJ as much as I should have. Instead, I was here on my desk, pretending to be updating the BOLO alert on the P2P killer, when all I've actually done is secretly watch Ziva as she tries to contact Ray. And even though Ziva spent the entire time transfixed on her computer screen or her phone, I knew that my presence gave her a slight bit of assurance. Don't get me wrong, I do feel bad about not knowing a thing EJ's whereabouts, but it's not like I can control who my heart picks. There wasn't a decision to be made on where I would rather be. EJ is just not Ziva.

And yes, I know you're giving me that "what-the-hell, Tony" look, and honestly I know I deserve it. To put it straight, I don't even know why I even wanted to be in this relationship with EJ at the first place. It wasn't just sex, really. Take my word when I say that I am not the same person that I was 2 years back, I've changed. I've gotten my act together, as soon as I finally realized that I only needed one woman to be a living functional man. But as I watch this woman fall in love with another man, I guess I caved in to another woman who promised to fill in the void. And while I told you earlier that EJ is no Ziva, she did at least manage to manage to make me feel better.

Sigh.

I looked down at Ziva and I tried to give her my best reassuring response, _"EJ should be...ok."_ She held my gaze for a couple of seconds which made me feel 1000 times more guilty about my situation. And then she gave me a look which said "_i understand"_, and instantly I knew what I had to do.

Pirate-man was at his best, always tight-lipped, and unwilling to share information. That selfish bastard. I swear, other than Fornell (occasionally), NCIS don't really get along with other agencies playing in the alphabet pool. And it's not our problem, really. **It's definitely not me, it's you.** I've always tried my best to "be the man" whenever Kort enters our territory, offering him a drink (only water, of course. NCIS is not a hotel mind you) whenever he enters the building. On those days, however, I wish I could spike his drink with the most nastiest mix of poison. Of course, I would have to notify Abby beforehand, so at least she can back me up with this one. There is no way I am going to allow myself to be sent to jail for trying to get rid of Trent Kort. But if ever Abby's forensics mess up, and I do get caught, I think I should be glorified. There is something about this tea-sipping, one-eyed maniac that I do not like, and I'm absolutely sure, I'm not the only one.

I tried my best to be civil about the meeting. After all, it was me who needed a favor from him. But when he started going all smart-ass on me, and running his mouth about the things he knew nothing of (like EJ and Ziva), my patience began wearing down. It took me a lot of 'manhandling' and 'verbal exchanges' to pry the information that I needed. I left him on the floor, looking for his eye patch, with his one good eye. It must have been a task, because he was there much longer than I expected him to be.

As evil as that sounds, I think it served him right.

I called Ziva, and notified her about Ray's location. She sounded so relieved, and I mentally patted myself on the back. Yes, it's insane, but do I actually have to tell you how much this woman affects me? She's the only lone person who has the ability to get under my skin, and activate all the different nerve endings in my heart. She can have me so pissed off one second, and laughing at her failed attempts in idioms the next. She can have me risking my life for her one moment, and entrusting my life to her the next. I know I haven't admitted it, but Ziva scares me. She makes me feel somewhat insane. Partly because she's my highly deadly, heavily armed ninja chick, but there's something about all her crazed antiques that actually makes me feel...rather sane.

You catch my drift, right?

So you can imagine my horror when I found out that Ziva was not where she was supposed to be. CI-Ray who was supposed to be at the hotel, showed up at NCIS, looking all calm and smart-ass with his coat on his arm. At that moment, I couldn't decide of whom I should punch first: Myself, for being a complete retard, giving in to Ziva when assured me that she didn't need back up because she "was just going to see Ray"; Cruz, for breaking Rule #3, and arriving at NCIS looking like he just witnessed pigs flying; or Kort, for being Trent Kort. It was really a close class, but instead, I ended up snapping at EJ, when she told me to "Calm down". I swear, P2P must have hit her head hard with the way she was thinking. I mean, how can I calm down when MY partner is nowhere to be found, and the main reason why is because I GAVE IN TO HER REQUEST to go alone. There is no way, I will be able to calm down.

Basically, it just wasn't one of my best days. Ziva's cellphone was turned off, which made it impossible for us to trace her whereabouts. We arrived at the hotel to find out that the security cameras were faulty. WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU INSTALL CAMERAS AND NOT HAVE THEM WORKING? The only option was to inspect the entire room for any evidence that was left behind, and of course we had nothing. The only thing that we got out of this hotel room, was the fact that the P2P killer walked in and surrendered. It was unexpected, but we had our guns whipped out in less than a second. As I stared at this ruthless killer in the eye, I was half afraid that he had attached a bomb in his body, and in a matter of seconds we would all burn to ashes. But nothing happened. So anti-climactic.

Back in the bullpen, I watched as Gibbs practically sprung off his seat as he hanged up from Abby's phone call. I could tell that he was just as frustrated as I was with the situation, but he wasn't saying anything about it. He was trying to remain calm and level-headed, the same way he usually does with all our other cases. Except this wasn't just your typical case, because typical cases only touched our professional lives. This one tampered with our personal lives.

I was about to follow him to the lab, when he instructed me to stay. Clearly, there was something Abby has found that he doesn't want me to know just yet. I understand his reason for protecting me, but it only made me extra nervous.

It turned out that the blood we found on the carpet is an exact match to Ziva's. Oh yes, this day **cannot** get any worse. My infuriated self was beginning to think that this was a complete set-up. Trent Kort better have a damn good reason to make me believe otherwise, because I'm pretty sure, I could run back to his CIA hide-out and put a bullet through the Pirate-man's other eye, and have no qualms about it. I know my thoughts can be a little disturbing. Attribute that to the long hours I spend with a marine and an (ex)assassin.

This was the first time in a while, I truly felt powerless over the situation, and it bothered me because now, there was a somewhat good possibility that Ziva could be dead. I could not believe this was happening yet again. It seemed all too familiar, like an exact encore of what happened when we found out that the Damocles had sunk and that there were were no survivors. For once, I was out of words. I couldn't come up with anything witty to cover up the depressing silence that downed on us. Abby, Tim, Gibbs and I just stood there and looked at one another, as if hoping those exchanged looks could give us comfort that we needed. Thinking about it made my stomach feel uneasy, and I couldn't figure out if it was just due to hunger, or the fact that my guilt and frustrations were eating me up alive. Thank God Gibbs picked a perfect timing to run to the bullpen to bark at us to gear up.

The drive to the secluded ranch didn't put me at ease. The fact that I had Ray in the passenger's seat, didn't make it any easier to calm my nerves down. I considered breaking the silence a couple of times to ask if he was okay, but that question seemed so stupid, so I kept my mouth shut. Instead, I just watched him through my peripheral vision.

His breathing was calm and slow, but I noticed his jaw tighten multiple times as he absent-mindedly tapped his thighs. It didn't take long for me to wish I hadn't decided to watch him. Everything about this Ray was making me anxious. If this level-headed, peace-keeping, and yoga-practicing (I assumed he practices yoga) CI-Ray was nervous about the situation, then clearly there was something to fear about.

We walked in to a run-down stable that smelled more like it had been occupied by hamsters instead of horses. It was unexpectedly cleaner than it looked like from the outside. I paused for a second and looked around. Everything just seemed to remind me of Somalia. The heavy air, the absence of proper lighting, and the eerie silence. It all seemed like the exact setting of Saleem's hideout. As a reminder, my head started flashing images of Ziva's bruised and defeated face, as Saleem removed the rag that hang over her head. She looked so weak and vulnerable, and I never want to see her in that condition again.

I took a deep breath, and hope and wished to any higher being that was listening that we would find Ziva alive and unscathed. I promised I would start praying regularly, I promised to be less annoying. Heck I would even sell my entire DVD collection, just to be assured of her safety. If needed, I'm even willing to risk my life only if she gets to keep hers. I will do anything, I am willing.

I stopped dead on my tracks as soon as I realized what I had just said. '_I will do anything, I am willing.' _Ray shot me a questioning look before scurrying over to Ziva's aide. I watched as Gibbs began assessing the back of her bleeding head for any serious injuries; I watched as Ray began untying the rope that held her hands together. I watched as she allowed herself to fall onto Gibbs when her knees went weak for a couple of seconds. I watched as she winced with her eyes closed as she recalled the events that lead to her capturing and pieced the puzzles together to deliver a rapid report. I watched as she finally opened her eyes, gratefully nodded to the two men that surrounded her, and whispered her three favorite words: "_I am fine."_

I swallowed whatever persistent substance that was beginning to form on the back of my throat. I wanted to scream "THANK YOU" to the Gods who listened to me pour out my wishes and prayers. Standing before me is the woman whom I spent the last 4 hours trying to track down. She is alive, well and ready to kick my ass. Never in my life had I ever been more happy to say that. I wanted to walk up to her and give her a huge hug and tell her everything that's been going on in my head in the last 12 hours, but I decided against it. Instead, she turned her head towards my direction. We exchanged a couple of looks, as if trying to hold a conversation through telepathy before giving me one last _"It's not your fault, Tony"_ look. I look deep into her eyes an then suddenly, and then suddenly everything becomes clear. I may not have enough faith to trust myself with Ziva's heart, but as of right now, I realize I'm okay with it. I would not mind watching her fall in love with another man, granted this man showers her all the love I think she deserves. I would not mind knowing she spent the entire night watching Sound of Music with another man, granted he memorize every dialogue of every scene and recite it with her. I would not mind sleeping alone in my bed, granted I know she's sleeping soundly in hers. I would not mind knowing the fact that I'm not the first man she'd risk her life for, granted I remain one of the few men she would trust her life to. In fact, I would not mind being the second, third or fourth most important man in her life, as long as she keeps me in hers.

I love this woman, I really do. I know it took time to realize that, but at least I know now, and that's all that matters, right?

One of the most important lessons I learned from my Mom before she died came from a quote she learned from Princess Diana. Mom would always go, _"Princess Diana once said that if you find someone you love in life, you must hang on to it, and look after it. And if you're lucky enough to find someone who loved you, then you must protect it. Do you know what that means, Anthony?"_ I would then shake my head. _"That means that if you find the girl that you love, you have to make sure that she is always safe. Princess Diana's marriage with her husband wasn't filled with love, but I think she felt that she did her best to protect him, because after all, he is her husband. I want you to remember Anthony, that sometimes you don't always get what you want. Sometimes the girl you might fall in love with may not realize how much she loves you. Still, you always have to be a big boy, look after her and never lose hope. Do you understand that, Anthony?" _I would then nod my head and blink a couple of times as I waited for Mom to say, "_Now give Mamma a hug."_

Mom would be so proud to know that I do actually listen to her.

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><p><strong>Hope you guys liked it! Please review. :)<strong>

**-Francesfides.**


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